Thursday, June 19, 2008
Introducing "The Guns of Brixton"!
Front Row, L to R:
Spanish Bomb, Richard Branson, Brand New Cadillac, Stagger Lee, Rudie Can't Fail
Back Row, L to R:
Billy Boy (behind the Bomb), Koka Kola, and London Calling
Joe Strummer is in front of the pipe and Mick Jones is in the watchtower.
The Guns of Brixton came together as the aging members of The Clash took stock of mid-twenty-first-century life in Great Britain, and decided it was a load of bollocks. At an average age of one hundred years old, they were still full of rage but long in age. They managed to gather a few younger guns together among the many children born to a communist cult of Clash fans. Billy Boy, Stagger Lee, Rudie, and Jimmy Jazz came along with Johnny Casbah and an Spanish dude called 'Flaming Phil' driving a Fiat. They stole and armoured an old London Bus, an outsized Volkswagen Bug, an off-road truck, a motorcycle and a large ATV/trike, along with some hefty, if old-fashioned military surplus gear, including a recoilless rifle for the truck and a heavy-calibre cannon for their bus, "London Calling."
It was then that their fortunes really turned: they heard from an old lost friend, Richard Branson, who despite his amazing commercial successes with Virgin Imperial had also decided that corporate-dominated City-State life in the mid-twenty first century was a load of bollocks. In a bid to come back to the 'good' side, Branson offered Mick Jones, Paul Simonon, Topper Headon and Joe Strummer the same patented Virgin anti-aging therapy he had been using for years and returned them miraculously to middle age. Branson in turn was so impressed by their vehicle mods that he had to modify his own Mercedes 300S as well.
As a prelude to blasting Virgin corporate headquarters sky-high, Branson and the Guns of Brixton pulled off a heist that was the story of 2055 for the global gossip-news networks, stealing valuable computers, lasers and rocket propulsion systems from Branson's laboratories. Using Branson's goodies, Topper Headon was able to rig up a high-tech laser targeting system for his old bazooka, while Rudie mounted his rifle in a computer-controlled turret. Jimmy Jazz grabbed a huge experimental laser and bolted it to the front of his 'Brand New' Cadillac, along with a couple of table lamps (this was his tacit tribute to 'the Duke' in "Escape from New York'). Branson himself mounted heavy laser-guided rockets with armour-piercing warheads on each of the gulllwing doors of his car.
Hijacking a small transatlantic freighter, they managed to make the move to America to escape her majesty's secret police. Deciding 'The Clash' might be a little too obvious for an undercover, anarcho-syndicalist punk resistance organization, they dubbed their new collective entity, 'The Guns of Brixton.' The Guns are currently residing in an undisclosed location in a quonset hut bunker. They maintain loose communications with a global network of other outriders, and take every possible opportunity to make life difficult for corporate and state entities.
Posted by Colin J Campbell at 4:10 PM